Feb 9

Feb 9 A lesson in resilience

Kiwi born and bred, Jamie Lawrence made his directorial debut at age 6 with a polar-fleece puppet lip-syncing to Enya. Since then, his films have gone on to win notable awards at festivals around the world. As a commercials director, he has ranked in Best Ad’s top 15 Kiwi directors, and received nominations for the Emerging Talent Award and multiple Best Direction Awards at CAANZ Axis.

I reached out to Jamie because I wanted to know how a director deals with the rejection around pitching for work. I figured resilience would have something to do with it. But what Jamie has chosen to share is so powerful and practical and full of beautiful tips for your own mind control.

I’m 7 years old and my top is tucked into my shorts. My clothes are sewn by my mother. I have a gelled-up quiff and a beauty spot like Madonna.

Thinking about mind control led me to think about resilience, which led me down memory lane.

Growing up in the Waikato, I learned to be afraid of myself, of who I was: sensitive, artistic, a Celine Dion fan. Gay. The bullies’ abuse, and the inferiority complex that resulted, struck me with a severe case of anxiety and internalised homophobia.

I’ve learned that rolling with the punches, be it personally or professionally, is inextricably linked to how well I know myself.

“Resilience is the fruit of self-knowledge” is as trite and true as they say.

I’ve worked hard (and continue working hard) to ‘bounce back’. It’s been two years in therapy and counting. It’s helped me become more self-compassionate, while worrying less about what others think of me. I now have a relationship with myself that is way stronger than it’s ever been. And this has, in direct proportion, strengthened my resilience in all areas of my life.

In other words, getting to know me has enhanced my know-how in the face of adversity. These days, when it comes to weathering the storm, I tell myself:

Lighten up. I’m quick to go on the offensive, taking shit personally. But it’s not that the client hates me, they’re just Seventh-day Adventists and think the costume I’ve chosen with the wolf on it symbolises impure thoughts. Sometimes it’s them, not you.

Turn away from rejection, towards something you love. If I lose a job to another director, I reframe it in my mind like an actor that loses the role to somebody more “quirky looking” and “on brief”, while I must be too handsome for the part. Then I lock myself in my room and write my screenplay. This way, I not only ‘bounce back’ from the setback, I also have something to ‘bounce to’.

A side hustle is a great consolation to disappointment.

Phone a friend. If you don’t have time to get to know yourself, go to the people who do know you. Nurture these relationships and connections because they are a wellspring to refuel from when you’re in the eye of the storm. Having a cup of tea or gin with a mate toughens/loosens me up every time.

You can say ‘no’. It’s human rights. Sometimes you can’t afford to turn down an opportunity. And sometimes you can’t afford not to. I’m teaching myself that it’s okay to say ‘no’. For better or worse. It can be bad for business (ask my producer or my husband) but it makes room for the important stuff. As a director, all you ever want is to find a way to care about the story you’re being asked to tell. So I’ve made a list of deal breakers that match my values – criteria I use to measure a job against to decide if it’s something I want to do. Yes, it’s idealistic, probably unsustainable, and sometimes I get a nosebleed on my high horse. But it’s not as bad as abandoning myself.

Lastly, and most importantly, follow who you are. Because the moment you stop chasing approval through the eyes of others, you become free to be yourself. This is now my chance to say the thing I needed to hear when I was a kid: it is always best to be yourself and let the world catch up.

And yeah, if all else fails, go to therapy.

Good luck out there. Thanks for reading.